The topic of sex workers receives more hostile attention in the media than any other sexual issue. Sex work is highly stigmatised; referring to female sex workers as prostitutes in the public domain has become the norm and is a reminder of the pervasiveness of negative views of sex work and sex workers.
Many people believe that sex work isn't legitimate, but it is legal in parts of Australia and is a legitimate industry and occupation. Sex workers are entitled to the same rights and level of respect as any other professional. It's their choice and they have control over their own bodies, to provide a sexual service, in exchange for money, between consenting adults.
There are women who have many other job opportunities but prefer this job because of the flexibility of working hours and the money they can earn. Most women who start work in the sex industry do so for financial reasons – for example, putting their children in private schools, working because their partner may have lost his job, help paying off the mortgage, pay for a drug addiction or paying for their university education.
Sun-Herald writer Eamonn Duff wrote an article recently about Asian women being snared in student visa scams forcing them into brothels. I am sure that trafficking, sex slavery and sexual exploitation exists in Australia and the article explains the difficulties in combating this. But the majority of sex workers in NSW are not victims; they see themselves as businesswomen and work in clean brothels with enforced health and safety regulations.
One famous ex-call girl, Dr Brooke Magnanti, achieved global notoriety by writing a blog, using the pen name Belle de Jour, which was made into a television series in Britain. She was in Australia last year to attend the All About Women Festival in Sydney and was a guest on the ABC's Q&A program. Another guest was Mia Freedman, an influential social media contributor and founder of popular website Mamamia.
On topic discussed was sex work, and Freedman stated: "Let's be clear, no little girl grows up wanting to be a sex worker, thank heavens" and "I would be disturbed if my seven-year-old daughter wanted to". After her appearance she wrote a blog about it that angered and upset many sex workers. Instead of engaging with the sex workers, many of whom are mothers, she wrote another one. One of these women wrote this amazing comment to Freedman's second blog.
So why do so many men visit sex workers? You only have to look at the ads in your local paper to realise there seems to be a great demand.
Sex workers do not force men to take their services; men go looking for them – for lots of reasons.
Some of my male clients, who have partners, feel so guilty about seeing sex workers that they come to see me to talk about it. They often have relationships in which there is little or no sex at all; leaving is not always an option, especially when there are children involved. They rather would pay for sex, which they believe is being less unfaithful, than have the emotional involvement of an affair.
Some men don't have the time or desire for a personal relationship and just like sex with no strings attached. Others see a sex worker because they like to engage in sexual activities their partners may not enjoy. Many younger men pay for sex which they probably could get for free frequenting bars or nightclubs.
When one of my female clients discovered her husband had been visiting sex workers over the last few years she was very angry and disappointed. I was, however, amazed that she blamed the sex worker for destroying her marriage, not her partner. She had difficulties having sex with him again after she found out and in trusting him not to do it again.
I speak to some men from countries like India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and other cultures where sex before marriage officially is not allowed. They ask me if it's OK to see a sex worker, because they want to be shown how to have sex properly so they can be good lovers for their wives when they go home to get married.
Another one of my clients was delusional; he was obsessed with the sex worker he was seeing and believed "they had fallen in love" and he wanted to save her. Other men are addicted to the scene and spend too much money on it, but after all it's their choice!
However, I often wonder why young, beautiful women marry or partner up with men who are twice their age and are often not attractive, but are rich or powerful.
And what about the mistresses of well-known married men who are financially very well looked after! Are they selling their bodies?
Here's a funny video by my favourite US sex educators Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross discussing sex workers!
