All the way back when I was a primary school kid, I loved affection. I loved cuddles, holding hands – all that gooey cuteness that children feel at those ages between the terrible twos and the ‘don’t touch me, you’re a boy and you’re disgusting’ phase.
I was also extremely clingy, much to my parents dismay. This meant endless amounts of time spent trying to get a hold of me as I’d wiggle between seats in the car in a fleeting attempt to get out of school and stay at home.
It wasn’t until I meet my year two teacher, Mrs Smith, that these attempts were abandoned. Mrs Smith was friendly, warm, inviting and, much to my delight, very cuddly. She was… motherly.
I loved her, and so did my parents. They got to say goodbye to those stressful, heart-breaking moments when I wouldn’t want to leave them, and hello to the ‘see ya later, I’ll be alright’ phase of my life.
I’d be greeted at school by my school mum, who would give me a welcome cuddle before I’d run off to my desk. Nowadays, Mrs Smith would think about patting me on the back. And she’s a female.
A male teacher friend told me recently that when he gets to class in the morning, all of his students (they’re in year three) gather around him looking for the affection that most, if not all, eight year old kids look for. He responds with a simple high five, but sometimes that’s even too much for some parents.
Some teachers are now treated like potential pedophiles if they are seen showing any sort of affection towards children. This results in them treating kids like lepers and taking a ‘don’t touch me’ or ‘only a high five’ approach.
Despite several studies that prove touch is an effective teaching method to help promote trust, encouragement and discipline, and that all teachers have to go through a working with children check and acquire a police clearance before being able to be employed at a school, ‘no touch’ policies are widely enforced for parents’ piece of mind.
Now it’s understandable that parents are more worried about their children and their safety these days. You just have to look at the news to hear stories that would turn any parent pale and want them to lock their children safely inside from the harmful world.
But to what effect does wrapping your kids up in cotton wool have on them, and what skills, life lessons, bonds and connections are they missing out on?
Back then, mum and dad were just happy to see me finally growing the confidence to go to school.Through my connection with my teacher, I learnt about trust, friendship and that school was a safe and friendly environment.
During play time, kids fought with each other, climbed trees and fell out of them.
I learnt how to fall hard, but also how to pick myself back up again; how to deal with conflict and how to resolve it; how to recognise dangers and how to avoid them.
I look back at my childhood and wonder, how would my life be different if the same sort of rules, principles and ideals some parents hold now, were put into practise by my own family?
Would I have learnt about risk, the positives and negatives of conflict, or my own physical and mental limits, or would I be worried that I might break my neck if I climbed monkey bars, be scared that all teachers were trying to do ‘funny’ things to me, or that falling was a sign of failure, weakness or stupidity?
Life has inherent dangers, it always does and always will, but I’m not about to stop my children from finding out how to fall themselves, who to trust, and what experiences will effect who they will become.
I visited my parents not so long ago, and my dad had dug out some old super 8 videos for us to watch. There was one video that showed me, at age two, standing on top of a two-metre ladder about to climb onto the roof of a house. Good news – I didn’t fall off!
But if I had, boy, would I have learnt a pretty valuable lesson.
- Lily Yeang
